Cleaning Out the Closet
I spent the last few days clearing out remnants of another life – a size 14 wardrobe consisting mainly of business suits and evening dresses. As I tried on each piece of clothing from my life as a corporate executive, to see if there was anything that still fit, I was continually amazed that there was once so much more of me. I just felt like me now, after three years living as a size 6.
Right-sizing was the buzzword when I left the corporate world. After this exercise, the word has taken on a broader meaning. My physical form was not the only thing that was right-sized over the course of my journey the last few years, my necessities of life were also re-engineered.
My transition from a miserable corporate strategist to a happy yoga teacher and author has been more about shifting beliefs, less about shifting shape. Making smarter and healthier choices came more naturally once my body was well-nourished and fit, and that laid the base for building a happier life. The real work then came in building the practices and beliefs to support me even during challenging times.
For three years, I avoided those wardrobe boxes, not wanting to deal with the rush of emotions that might spring forth from the daily uniforms of my other, less happy life. After a while, the boxes began to feel as if they were holding me prisoner, weighing me down. I had to pass by them to move forward. They blocked the way.
What was my reward for finally facing down the cardboard monsters? Well, as expected, none of my old clothes fit me anymore. I had to let go of a lot of expensive things, a significant investment of my past earnings. Whoosh, another part of the past jettisoned. Donating my wardrobe now allows it to serve someone less fortunate.
And I didn’t walk away from the experience completely empty-handed. Three jewels remained, along with some great memories and few important lessons to carry forward:
1) - a vintage purple cocktail dress that was my classy va-voom outfit for special occasions during my 20s. It reminds me to keep a vibrant youthful outlook through life, and that age doesn’t matter. It looks even better on me now.
2) - a sparkly fuschia evening gown, worn like glamorous skin to welcome the new Millennium at the Vizcaya in Miami. It reminds me to celebrate transitional moments, both big and small, and welcome what the future holds.
3) - a sexy black asymmetrical spaghetti-string sheath worn to a memorable dinner with some of my dearest friends in beloved Barcelona. It reminds me of the importance of being present and enjoying the pleasures of life, in a place and with people I love.
Perhaps most important, cleaning out the closet also taught me a valuable lesson to apply daily in all areas of life – that the things we avoid block our way. Facing and clearing them allows us to create a future that fits who we are now.
El Camino de Santiago
Spain 2010
El Camino de Santiago is one of the world’s great pilgrimage routes and also a UNESCO World Heritage site, with monuments of historical significance all along the way. Its origins predate Christianity, though it is best known as a path walked by Christians and others for over a thousand years to visit the tomb of Saint James the Apostle in Santiago. Once a Roman trade route following the Milky Way to the Atlantic Ocean, it also served as a pre-Christian Celtic ceremonial journey westward to the setting sun in Finisterre, considered the end of the world at the westernmost point in Spain. Legends and myths also link the road to prehistoric fertility cults of Aphrodite, Mari, Ishtar, and Kali, and designate the path as one of the great energy leylines of the planet.
Whatever cultural or spiritual significance given to the route, the Camino represents a powerful and highly travelled path to fulfilling one’s intentions.
I was drawn to making the journey not only for the purpose of meditation, but also because it allowed me to walk and intimately experience the region of my grandfather and ancestors. Pilgrims choose to walk the way for many other personal reasons, as well. Some that we encountered included mourning the death of a loved one, petitioning for a pregnancy or new baby, curing a loved one’s illness, working out one’s sexuality, deciding on a life change, sparking creative inspiration, or just figuring out next steps.
Although there are many routes and starting points, most pilgrims begin El Camino in St. Jean Pied de Port in the Pyrenees and walk 500 miles across Northern Spain to Santiago. Some use guidebooks to plan and navigate their routes, while others go in complete trust, following the yellow arrows and scallop shell signs that mark the path the entire journey.
The way is rich with symbolism, offering many opportunities to release the burdens carried through life. “Imagine walking with people who have dropped the walls surrounding them,” wrote one blogger who had recently completed El Camino when I was doing my research for the journey. He then went on to describe the deep connections made between travelers who continually lost and found each other again along the route. The blogger described the process of shedding personal belongings in each town as a metaphor for lightening your load and stripping down to what is essential in your life. He also wrote of his experience at the Iron Cross, erected in Roman times on the point of highest elevation, and the practice of pouring your regrets and concerns into a stone carried for hundreds of miles and then left behind on the towering pile at the monument. The final ritual of El Camino came at the very end of the world in Finisterre, a three-day walk beyond Santiago to the ocean, where pilgrims burned their clothing or other offerings to mark the beginning of their “new” lives.
(Excerpt from Do You Think You Will Break?)
The Five Secrets of Successful Transitions
Sometimes we think that transitions are going to break us. These periods can feel like a time of chaos and confusion, when we’ve left the steady shore of all that we know and are floating free in turbulent waters with no moorings.
These periods of chaos are a natural part of the growth cycle. They can be an incredibly creative period, when new ideas and directions are limitless. It is sometimes precisely that – being in a place of having no limits or boundaries – that can be the most overwhelming.
As human beings, we are infinitely more powerful than we usually give ourselves credit for. Transitions do not have the power to break us. They are simply experiences that stretch us, keep us growing throughout life.
There are five steps that you can take to ease your way through life’s transitions. They are effective in all cases, whether you are facing a major life change, a career transition, or just simply a desire to find more in your life.
If you are facing a transition in your life, take the following five steps to direct and ease the process:
- Feel: support your body
- Flow: manage your energy
- Believe: focus your thoughts
- Observe: learn your lessons
- Connect: serve your communities
To find out how to put these into effect in your life, sign up for this free webinar on Wednesday, February 29th at 8:00 pm Eastern (5:00 pm Pacific) by clicking below.
Click here to register for the FREE webinar
Energy Shifts
Costa Rica 2009
Every day, dark clouds consumed the sky for longer and longer periods, and the humidity between heaven and earth grew. Still, the first rain did not come. Jungle trees dropped green vines toward the earth, strange buds opening to suck moisture from the heavy air. Distant rumbles of thunder occasionally shook the pregnant atmosphere, and the town and its inhabitants operated in slow motion.
Walking the beach before nightfall, sunset once again hidden behind the dark clouds, the sky rumbled before finally opening its floodgates. Laughing with joy at nature’s dramatic release and the ocean roiling response, I walked the last mile towards home with water pounding me and tearing at my soaked clothes.
The earth’s energy had shifted. It had also disrupted manmade energy, pulling down power lines and plunging my new casita and the surrounding community into darkness for the night.
I sat on my covered porch in the pitch black, listening to the sound of water pounding the roof and watching it stream into the ground. A small tea light flickered on the table. My laptop had long since run out of juice.
I was completely alone with my thoughts in the dark jungle.
***
“You need some supplies,” Carlos informed me, noting my wild-eyed look after a third night on the dark porch. “You have to be able to get around in the rain, or you’ll go crazy there alone.”
“You think?” I cackled with mild hysteria.
“Let’s go to Montezuma for the organic market this weekend,” he suggested. “I’ll help you find what you need on the way.”
I decided that kissing his feet would be a bit much, and settled for thanking him profusely and reserving a four-wheel drive rental car to negotiate the dirt roads.
***
“Do you drive like you live,” Carlos questioned me, “plowing full speed ahead to get to your goal without seeing what is right in front of you?”
Um, yes, I thought sheepishly.
“You must adjust to the road,” he advised, “adapt to what is before you right now. It will make for a much smoother and more enjoyable ride.”
Wise words to keep in mind. I slowed my pace, focusing on steering the car around the immediate ruts and bumps. It is much more comfortable, I thought until I was distracted again by conversation and my foot crept down on the accelerator. A particularly large ridge caught the wheel and slammed the car towards the side of the road, both of us flying sideways in our seats.
“Stop. Let me drive, so we make it safely,” Carlos commanded. I meekly complied.
(Excerpt from Do You Think You Will Break?)
Culture Shock & Cross-Country Driving
On the Road (2009)
“Excuse me, Miss, are you alright?”
I opened my eyes as I came out of a prolonged side twist, and looked up into the alarmed eyes of the pool technician who cautiously crept towards me. Apparently, I’d been too still for too long. After assuring him that I was not in distress, that I was practicing something called y-o-g-a, he left me with a puzzled shake of his head.
At each motel, the reaction was slightly different.
Across Ohio and Illinois, we found out that the small workout rooms were best avoided. Shortly after we two women in our yoga clothes walked past the breakfast bar and into the gym, the door would open again to admit other guests. A middle-aged man or two, clothed in jeans or business attire, would enter, sit on an exercise bike, and avidly watch us assume Downward Dog.
In Wisconsin and Minnesota, we moved to the indoor pool rooms where there was generally some privacy to be had in the mornings. That is, until the first harried father would come in with his children. The youngsters would gawk with jaws hanging open, and whisper loudly, “What are they doing, Daddy?”
By South Dakota and Wyoming, I began to feel like a yoga evangelist spreading the good news to fellow travelers on the road. “It’s called yoga,” I’d begin, “and it’s more than just a series of flexible postures…”
(Excerpt from Do You Think You Will Break?)
Shifting Demand
Media creates our consciousness ~ Jane Fonda
I don’t know if I would be able to understand the truth of those words, if I hadn’t just come back from three years in the jungle.
Over the course of my journey, since leaving the corporate world and my busy life in Manhattan in 2009, I was on a mass media blackout. I made a conscious decision to unplug, to quiet the noise in my life. I replaced the constant barrage of television, radio and advertising messages with the quiet sounds of nature, with the counsel of experts in books by the masters, with conversations with awakened and enlightened people, and – most importantly – with the sound of my own inner voice.
The only media that I engaged in during my journey was social networks, to stay in touch with family, friends and the major events shaping the world.
As I have slowly tuned back into mainstream media, I have been shocked by some of the messages that I have observed. What are we teaching our children and each other about how to treat one another? What happened to living by a code of ethics?
Here are some examples of what I have observed, as I have tuned back in to television and radio over the last few months:
- A man testifying before Congress that we should assassinate the leader of another country, through a covert operation and leave the public details murky
- A woman launching herself at another woman and brutally beating her to the ground because of a betrayal by a man on a reality TV show
- A radio ad billed as “30 seconds inside a woman’s head” in which a woman’s voice expressed debilitating fear of what people would think of her if she strung Christmas lights or went shopping for tools alone, without a man by her side
- A politician during a debate, responding to allegations that his family hired an illegal immigrant as a nanny, deflect the complex issue by replying that he was too intelligent to damage his political career in that way
- US law enforcement officers pepper spraying, and in some cases beating, peaceful protestors, while politicians praised protestors standing up for their beliefs in other countries
Whatever your political views – is this behavior you would be proud to teach your children?
I have also seen examples of programming with positive messaging on public television, through independent films and in some pockets of mainstream media.
We are living in a society that is driven by ratings, profitability, and many times by greed. Supply is driven by demand.
Let’s use our power as consumers to shape the messages that we want coming into our lives. Once we become conscious of having a choice about what we consume – instead of mindlessly consuming what we are fed – we can shift demand.
Common Ground
I am a Storyteller. I believe in communicating through parables and examples because they enable us to place ourselves in another’s perspective.
I learned the tradition through such teachers as Carl Jung, Joseph Campbell, Carolyn Myss, Paulo Coelho, Dr. Seuss and others. My education began as a young child, when I was fascinated with myths and stories of Greek and Roman gods, faery tales and Celtic traditions of Europe and the British Isles, and legends of Atlantis. It continued through adulthood, when I read all that I could of Native American myths, literary classics, historical fiction, Latin American writers telling tales of magic and mysticism.
Stories enable us to learn lessons while engaged in glorious living color.
They can also become counterproductive and divisive when we become too attached to our stories as the truth, the “right” perspective as opposed to the “wrong” one. Unfortunately, I see too much of that in the world today, particularly as we engage in another prolonged election period in the United States. We have become polarized by our stories – liberal vs. conservative, right vs. left, the 99% vs. the 1%, environmentalist vs. business person, Christian vs. Muslim.
What would happen if we looked deeper than our stories, and saw that at heart we all want the same things for ourselves and our families – happiness, health, success, security?
Too much energy has been devoted to proving whose story is right, and not enough to solving problems.
Let’s find our common ground, and move forward together to build a better future. It is within our power to create a new story.
I’d love to hear ideas, share resources, and join forces to do so.
Lakota Sweat Lodge
Woodstock, New York 2010
The flap shut and pitch black descended, a faint red glow turning the black to deep brown just above the hot stones. Fear spiked through me, raw panic.
Blindness. Claustrophobia. Isolation. Suffocating heat.
“Please,” squeaked my little voice, “can’t we leave the flap open just a little crack?”
“No, we need to seal the space,” was the reply. “Do you need to sit next to your friend for comfort? Do you need to leave the lodge?”
We were buried in the earth, under a small dome structure covered in layers of burlap and skins, circled around a broad fire pit piled high with rocks that had been baking for hours in the huge bonfire outside. Ten men were crowded together on one side of the circle, a similar number of women kneeling in the dirt on the other.
“No,” my voice squeaked getting slightly stronger. “I honor the intention and sacredness of this space, and will be alright.” Sensing the two women bracketing me in the blackness, I asked, “Can you hold my hand?” Warm hands immediately clasped each of mine.
I was not alone trapped in the dark. I was supported. I released the electric current of my fear, and could feel the others immediately relax in the darkness. All energy was now available for focus on the healing intention. Adjusting my body into Child’s Pose, pulling the towel over me to trap cool air near the earth, I surrendered to my breath and the searing heat. With “The light is within” as my mantra to occupy the mind, the visual of a glowing white lotus blossom in my heart to occupy my other senses, and the sound of my breath flowing in and out, I overcame fear.
White light slashed into the space, brightening the inside of my towel to a monochrome grey and bringing me back from wherever I had gone. What happened? Did someone have to leave?
I struggled from under the towel, as the cool air flowed into the cramped lodge and washed over my wet skin. Fifty minutes had passed and the first healing round was over. It felt like five minutes. Where had I gone?
“Will you be alright?” asked the leader before closing the flap again for the next of the four rounds.
“I’m perfectly fine,” I replied. I was better than fine, I was giddy with my strength.
(Excerpt from Do You Think You Will Break?)
BATNAs and Boundaries
Costa Rica 2009
“Do you know what you want in a man?” Carlos asked me quietly in the dark.
The stars were pinpoints of light in the inky expanse above us, shedding a soft glow through the dusty cloud of the Milky Way and onto the silent beach around us. Lucy and Andy wandered ahead, white dog prancing, brown lab plodding, as Carlos and I followed on our nightly walk.
I had trouble articulating my answer. What did I want, other than a strong, kind, and attractive man?
“How can you manifest what you want if you don’t know what that is? You must have a list and be as specific as possible,” he said, and then went on to describe what he was looking for in a woman.
A List. A very interesting concept, one that had relevance in all areas in life. A list of requirements to guide and focus my choices, similar to so many that I had created and used in my professional life.
A light bulb flashed on above my head. I needed to develop my own personal BATNA for my right man.
I had first learned of the BATNA years ago in a pivotal negotiation, diplomacy, and bargaining class in graduate school, and the concept had always served me well when I used it. Literally translated, it means your “Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement.” Figuratively, it was a boundary, the walkaway point at which a situation, person, or event crosses from meeting your needs and begins to detract from you.
Without articulating your BATNA or boundary, you cannot fulfill your needs, because you have no real clarity or awareness of what they are. Your energy is not focused on a goal, rather is it diffused, sprayed around by attempting to read all external cues and questioning everything in a constant search for something undefined. Without it, you are likely to accept less than what you need because you don’t know any better, and you are likely to give your power away to others.
By defining your needs, your energy can be focused on being open to situations that meet them and eliminating situations that do not. You create the ability to manifest what you want because your power is focused on listening to your intuition and needs.
Wasn’t I fortunate that I had this time now, this year of freedom, to define what I wanted in my right man and also in other areas of my life?
No better time to begin than now, I thought. Walking with Carlos in the starlight, I began to develop my list and saw right away many things that I did want.
(Excerpt from Do You Think You Will Break?)
What’s Next?
New York 2009
I arrived back in the States just in time for the holidays and to debut the new me for my entire family at our annual celebration. I withstood the doubletakes as well as the Christmas cookies, and enjoyed being with my loved ones from an open-hearted and grateful place.
What would the New Year hold for me? I didn’t know, but trusted it would continue to bring me closer to what I wanted in life. My task now was to define what that was.
Perhaps one year off was not enough…
To even put myself in a position to begin that task, I had to become aware of what my body was telling me. And then, by listening to my body and its cues—some call it intuition—I could begin to make the necessary changes in other areas of my life to achieve meaning and purpose.
My time in the jungle and all of my physical changes did not seem hard in retrospect; perhaps it was similar to the process of giving birth: Once over, the specific pains do not stick in memory as much as the outcome of the effort.
I had been very fortunate in my journey to be supported along the way by the structure of yoga programs, an amazing community of loving souls, and by my own intentionality and commitment to change. I realized that the hard work would come in keeping my health in the long term, and trusted that the discipline of yoga and the other healthy practices I had developed would support me as I went forward.
There were four ingredients that I identified from my experiences as essential in managing and maximizing my own physical health:
1.) Incorporating sufficient and varied exercise was necessary to keep my body functioning at high performance. By periodically bringing my body to physical exhaustion, followed by regular periods of complete relaxation, I was able to release the backlog of stress stored in my body and keep it clear going forward. The practice of yoga provided a perfect model, with its ninety minutes of focused physical exertion followed by a period of Savasana, the Corpse pose, to integrate and rest the body.
2.) Creating space, both in my joints and in my lifestyle, allowed smooth functioning of my body while experiencing life in the moment and enabling me to release stress as it occurred. Meditative practices, such as Yin Yoga, walking in conscious alignment, and sitting cross-legged with my spine straight ensured that the appropriate amount of space was maintained in my mind, body, and spirit.
3.) Feeding my body with the proper fuels to enhance my performance, well-being, and enjoyment was also a necessity.
4.) Optimizing my weight and the load carried by my joints was essential for remaining pain free.
Living in the jungle where entertainment options were limited, as well as more simply than I formerly did in Spain and the United States, had transformed food preparation and cooking from a necessary chore into an activity of creativity and enjoyment. Consciousness of the impact of different types of food on my body had shifted my ability to consume anything that I knew to be harmful, so that processed and unhealthy foods no longer appealed. In contrast, I began to crave healthy foods not only for their taste, but also for the energy they gave me.
Being more in tune with my body, its reaction to specific foods, and its level of physical well-being also enabled me to closely monitor slight changes and reverse any weight gain before it became permanent. I simply refused to let one new pound grow into two new pounds, and found maintaining my weight a simple process by adjusting food intake and exercise immediately.
